Michael Jackson could be an example of someone that embodies the Lover Archetype (or is possessed by it). He is an eternal boy, just like Dionysus. If the archetype is not balanced, it can become boundless and destructive. Artists are very often taken over by the Lover Archetype. They have fans, groupies or even cults just like Dionysus.

In Jungian Psychology part of the proces of individuation (self-realization/becoming whole) is exploring the archetypes in your inner world. In this blog post we will explore the Lover Archetype.

The work of Robert Moore and Jean Shinoda Bolen has been very useful in exploring this archetype. Both use Dionysus in their books to illustrate the lover archetype.
You can either have a very dominant Dionysus in your psyche (and body) or very dormant. They Lover Archetype also has a shadow side. In its mature form and with the structure that other archetypes provide (when developed), the lover archetype is a great asset. It allows you to dance through life, find more flow, enjoy little things, feel passion for life, experience a fire in the belly, have great sex, relate to people in a healthy way and it balanced all the other archetypes. It is an essential archetype.

I like its connection to the lower dantian, an energy center in the area a few fingers below your navel, and in Japanese traditions is the area of the Hara. It houses your vital energy, power and essence. The lower dantian holds primary importance as it nourishes the other two. It is also connected to the sacral chakra (second chakra and also known as the sex chakra).

We explore seven archetypes of the masculine in our practice. The first archetype is the Wild Man. This archetype is connected to the root chakra (the first chakra). We need to have roots, foundation, identity. In the book about the Wild Man written by Robert Bly, we learn about the initiation of a little prince and his ‘road of the ashes’ to ground him in his masculinity. This is a journey of hard work connected to the earth. Humble, simple work. The little prince works in a kitchen and in the garden. With his hands.

The second chakra and the lover archetype are related to the element water. Flowing and dancing. The lover does not like boundaries. Every archetype can be seen as a very one sided energy. An amplification of a certain energy. We always need to balance these energies. Or as Carl Jung said: “hold the tension of opposites.”

The Lover Archetype is dominant in artists, rock stars for example, people that have limited/weak boundaries, some of them die young as a too dominant Dionysus can be very destructive. In Jungian Therapy we try to balance these energies. Nick Drake, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, people that have a lot of creative expression often have a dominant Dionysus. Like rockstars, Dionysus was worshipped and had his own cult.

On Netflix you can check out the series ‘27: Gone Too Soon’. An examination of the lives and deaths of the six most famous members of the '27 Club' - musicians who have died aged 27: Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse.. maybe because of an unbalanced Lover Archetype?

“The faithful of Shiva or Dionysus seek contact with those forces which…lead to a refusal of the politics, ambitions and limitations of ordinary social life. This does not involve simply a recognition of world harmony, but also an active participation in an experience which surpasses and upsets the order of material life.”

― Alain Daniélou, Gods of Love and Ecstasy: The Traditions of Shiva and Dionysus

Waves of ‘Lover energy’ in our society

In the 60’s we saw a wave of more feminine, softer men. Less rational more in touch with their body, free, open, emotional and spiritual. The next wave is coming. This might be a compensation for years of a very dominant Christian, ‘Logos’ society with Zeus and Apollo energy. A clear moral and container of what was good/bad. The body was repressed, the feminine was repressed and God was almighty and in heaven (not on earth). We were not allowed to enjoy life. Dionysus is the opposite. He knows how to celebrate life (often to extremes).

The love we seek, in romantic relationships, friendships and with god is very important to a man with a dominant Dionysus. Drugs are often a substitute for the love of the mother or the love of god. The feeling of bliss, ecstasy and wholeness. That is why men with a dominant Dionysus are more prone to addiction.

While the Lover’s energy seeks to be boundless, the King, Warrior, and Magician archetypes provide a man with structure and discipline. Thus the Lover’s passion fuels and powers these three life forces, and in turn, they channel and harness the Lover’s energy in a healthy way and towards worthy goals.

Robert Moore talks about the initiation in the realms of these 4 archetypes. Most men that are properly initiated (not many) are going from, Warrior to Magician, to Lover and then to King.

We first need to learn discipline and focus, during our rites of passage, we learn to survive on our own. We need that fire of the warrior to get out of the safety of the mother (use the sword of distinction), break out of the womb energy. After that we seek knowledge about ourselves and other’s (in modern life this is the stage of going to school till the age of 26 - 30, we learn a profession and ‘become someone’). We develop the Magician. Later in life we become more attuned to the people around us, as we aim to become a loving spouse, a loving father, we develop the Lover archetype. We will learn the hard way that we have to level up in Eros (relating, loving, attuning to others, the domain of the Lover) by feedback from romantic relationships. In the end we come the the center of the psyche, there he sits the King on his throne. All of these energies are united and balanced by the King as the Father of the realm (psyche). Nurturing, serving, protecting and guiding the people.

Being possesed by the Lover archetype

Without the structure of the other archetypes we are prone to being possessed. I think Jay Gatsby from The Great Gatsby is a perfect example of a man possessed by the Addicted Lover. He longs for the wealthy Daisy Buchanan for his entire life. He’s addicted to the idea of being with Daisy and spends his life amassing a fortune through criminal activity just so he can be with her. But in the end, Daisy disappoints Gatsby. The real Daisy didn’t match the fantasy of her that Gatsby had obsessed about for years. If you read the book, you know what happens to ol’ Jay Gatsby in the end. Lesson learned: being possessed by the Addicted Lover leads to ruin (source)

The Story of Dionysus

Dionysus is the prime example of the lover archetype. As a god with a human mother (Seleme) that died before he was born, he is searching for his mother his whole life. Projecting her onto other women, becoming disappointed, and on to the next one he goes. He is a shaman, a wine maker. He is raised by women, the most feminine, male god of Olympus. Born from his father’s thigh, after Zeus was tricked by his wife Hera to kill his mother (Seleme) while she was carrying the unborn child. Zeus saved his son, sewed him in his thigh and gave birth to his son. Hermes helped him give labor. Hermes and Dionysus are closely related.

Both gods travel between worlds, are messengers and are much more interested in the inner world apposed to the outer world. Apollo, Ares, Poseidon, Hades and Zeus are all more interested in the outer world.

Dionysus is the god of ritual, initiation, instinct, nature, sex and ecstasy. Dionysus represents the primal, instinctual aspects of love and desire, as well as the transformative power of the unconscious mind. As a lover archetype, Dionysus embodies the playful, joyful aspects of love and the celebration of life. He is associated with artistic expression and spiritual transformation.

*The model of Robert Moore. Going from boyhood to manhood and the shadow sides of the Archetype. The impotent Lover and the Addicted Lover.*

The Shadow Side of Dionysus

Dionysus has a dark side, which can manifest as addiction, obsession, and a lack of boundaries (called The Addicted Lover, see model above). When the lover archetype is undeveloped or distorted, it can lead to unhealthy patterns of behavior, such as sexual addiction or codependency. Men with a dominant Dionysus often fall victim to constantly falling in love, not finding a more pragmatic, balanced, stable relationship. His relationships are often short and intense. The other side of the coin is the passive shadow. The Impotent Lover is a man without any joy. The Lover is dormant in his body and psyche. This is also a shadow side because he is repressing this energy. We can see this in depressed men without any libido. The No-Fap movement is an example. No masturbation, extreme discipline, can be a repression of the Lover. The other side is the addiction to porn and compulsive masturbation.

How to activate the Lover archetype and feel the fire in the belly

Dionysus energy creates fire in the belly and a passion for life. What can we do to activate this energy in a healthy way?

First you need to ask yourself how your structure is in your psyche? Do you have any discipline? Do you work out? Are you able to set boundaries for yourself?

Investigate your need for instant dopamine boosts, kick-off of any drugs. no coffee, no social media, no dopamine addictions, no gaming, If addicted to porn, dating apps, materialistic things or traveling for example, kick-off of that first so you can start to enjoy the simple things in life. Maybe take care of a pet. Learn to relate. See something grow. Grow your own food. Slow down. Dance. Make music. Connect with people not for the sake of sex.

I personally take short breaks and look at my kittens exploring the birds, flies and bugs outside. Be present. That is what the mature Lover needs.

Create something in the house, build something with your hands. Take the time to make something beautiful. Spent time in nature, go to an ecstatic dance, really connect with people, join a men’s circle or group, find likeminded people. Make Eros a priority. Make Love a priority.
QiGong is also a beautiful way to move the body and focus on the lower ‘dan tien’ to activate Lover energy. The door of life is located there. Breath work can also help as certain breathing patterns in combination with certain music, can increase the amount of feeling. Stuck emotions can come out, and you can feel a fire in the belly. We take men into an ice bath to also make them feel alive again, this is great way to awaken the inner fire. Even supplements can help. Ashwaganda or Maca for example are herbs that help with libido as adaptogens it can balance your hormones and boost your libido. Foods can help. Drinking a lot of water, swimming in the sea or sailing (everything related to water) can help too.

Spent more time in nature and PLAY.

The Lover is the opposite of the Warrior. The Warrior defends himself, sets boundaries and protects his realm. He is the one that creates focus, discipline and commitment.

The Lover just wants to ‘BE’. Flow, intuitive, feel, sensate. The Warrior does the work.

How are you balancing the lover and the warrior in your psyche (and body)?

If we want to life a healthy life we need to activate but also control both energies. Not to become one-sided. That is what Carl Jung meant with becoming whole.

Dionysus the Shaman

A shamanic psyche is often that of an androgynous, male-female type of person. Dionysus was described as “man-womanish” or as the “womanly one.” A priest serves the function of mediating between the visible and invisible worlds, and often wears vestments that are dresses, and very ornate ones. Psychological androgyny, an inward experience of both masculine and feminine perceptions, is the key to being able to enter this realm. People such as Carlos Castaneda wrote about his own initiations by shamans and medicine women. In Jungian psychology, which values the development of the feminine in men (as the anima) the invisible world is the world of archetypes, dreams and active imagination.

Therapists, facilitators of ritual and ceremonies are often Dionysus men. Hermes and he were messengers, travelers between worlds. Popular with women because they understand the inner world and have more empathy and Eros. They also have developed a talent for intuition and a sense for connecting to women, often because they were raised by women like Dionysus. Psychologists, writers, poets, musicians and artists often have a strong Dionysus.

The next generation of androgynous, Dionysus men.

We can see a generation of men that are more androgynous and are less black and white. The danger with that is the lack of structure in the psyche, meaning they are vulnerable for psychosis and neurosis. Anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses. We can see the number of mental illnesses rising.

To initiate into our inner world we need Dionysus but we have to be careful, we can’t allow him to take over our psyche. As every men, they need to be initiated, the start of the Heroes Journey.

In my thesis, I talk about the fact that we see another generation of Dionysus men, more androgynous. Often confused about their identity, sexuality and masculinity. Like in the ’60s we saw this free, open, hippie culture. Softer men that use drugs to go into different world. It is a rebellious energy. We can call it little boy behavior. I am not sure if the new generation is using more drugs, but ‘Mollie’, ‘Coke’ and ‘Psychedelics’ seem to be more accessible and normalized. The series ‘Euphoria’ on HBO represents a new youth struggling with the current world. Not saying these drugs are bad per se but they can be if there is no structure in the psyche. These drugs can potentially be healing (in therapeutic settings). Dionysus men need Apollo and Zeus energy. Most of this men don’t want anything to do with ‘these kind of masculine, patriarchal men’. They might oppose to things like gender, ‘He’ and ‘She’ pronouns and other ‘rigidity’ in our culture.

Zeus saved Dionysus’s life two times, first by taking him from his dead Mother’s womb and sewing him into his thigh, then rescuing him when Hera drove his foster parents mad. A caring and positive father image can help Dionysus, even if he is different, by helping him to see he cannot act on all of his feelings, especially the irrational ones. Dionysus can be a positive person who can love himself and feel worthy if he has a good father or mentor.

If the father is absent, the lack of structure and the overwhelming chaos of the feminine might cost him his life.

Dionysus is a strong spirit in our culture. James Hillman writes about this. He sees Dionysus also as the Peter Pan, or the Puer Aeturnus. The boy that never grows up. We need the spirit of Dionysus to change things in our culture. But these men need help and guidance so they can use their sensitivity as a gift. Like all Hero Journey’s, men find the gold in the shadow but they have to return to the ordinary world and share their gifts with the society.

We need men with dominant Dionysus energy, but they can only fulfill their hero's journey if they also balance themselves with the archetype of the Warrior and in that way mature to being a King.

Is Dionysus dominant or dormant in your psyche and body?

We can guide you in exploring and balancing the archetypes in your psyche.

Sensitive Dionysus man need to father their inner boy. The mature parental energy needs to father the eternal boy part in him. Especially if a Dionysus man had an (emotionally) absent father. Seeking mentors and male therapists can be very helpful. A great example of the benefits of a male therapist with healthy father energy can be seen in the movie ‘Good Will Hunting’.

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Nietzsche on Dionysus vs. Apollo

Friedrich Nietzsche, the German philosopher and cultural critic, explored the conflict between Apollo and Dionysus in his work, "The Birth of Tragedy." According to Nietzsche, these two Greek gods represent opposing forces within human nature and culture.

Apollo represents the rational, intellectual, and ordered aspects of human existence. He is associated with clarity, logic, and the principles of balance and proportion. Apollo is often associated with the arts of sculpture, architecture, and music, which require precision and discipline.

Dionysus, on the other hand, represents the irrational, emotional, and chaotic aspects of human existence. He is associated with ecstasy, passion, and the experience of transcendence. Dionysus is often associated with the arts of theater, dance, and music, which require spontaneity and improvisation.

Nietzsche argues that the conflict between Apollo and Dionysus reflects a deeper conflict within human culture between the rational, ordered world of science and reason, and the irrational, passionate world of art and religion. He sees the triumph of Apollonian culture as leading to a kind of cultural and spiritual death, in which creativity and vitality are suppressed in favor of order and stability.

In contrast, Nietzsche sees the resurgence of Dionysian culture as a means of revitalizing human culture and unleashing the creative potential of the human spirit. He advocates for a synthesis of both the Apollonian and Dionysian impulses within human culture, arguing that only by embracing the full spectrum of human experience can we achieve a state of true cultural and spiritual liberation.

The Lover Archetype