Flying boys of the new age
Our grandiosity as little boys is healthy, we might feel like the son of a king, walking in the woods, knowing the trees are alive. We felt like we would become king Arthur one day or Merlin the magician. Full of spirit and fueled by sexual instinct. We want to keep this feeling, we tend to forget about the negative things that happened in childhood, toxic relationships, abuse, trauma.
The Jungian term for boys and girls that keep flying in adulthood is puer aeternus or puella aterna (holy boy/girl). This is less healthy.
These adult men/women are unable to accept limitations and do not embody their bodies well. Peter Pan, Robin Hood, The Little Prince, and Don Juan are examples. These boys have an aversion to a certain boring quality native to human life.
The young men are by no means negative, they love the spirit and bring much of the spiritual energy in the world. This energy is needed. James Hillman talks about balancing the energy of the senex and the puer.
The puer’s shadow is the senex (Latin for “old man”), associated with the god Apollo-disciplined, controlled, responsible, rational, ordered. Conversely, the shadow of the senex is the puer, related to Dionysus-unbounded instinct, disorder, intoxication, whimsy.
Whoever lives out one pattern to the exclusion of the other risks constellating the opposite. Hence individuation quite as often involves the need for a well-controlled person to get closer to the spontaneous, instinctual life as it does the puer’s need to grow up.
Marie Louise Von Franz said it like this: the young boy’s revolt against the maternal earthiness. Out of the fear of the magnets that some women hide in the ground of marriage, jobs, and long-range commitment.
As the golden boy (divine child) takes on the hero’s journey, a certain amount of inflation is needed for the challenge to be accepted because the hero is going to face challenges far beyond his current capability.
Jung would not accept a man below 35 years in his training Centre in Zurich that did not succeed in another form of labor first. He knew that before deeper spiritual work, the man needed to become friends with matter and learn a craft first.
Men have been admired for years, for their initiative, embarking on wide oceans, building ships, enter the realm of wild animals, shamans who entered the spiritual world to heal others, starting a farm, etc. Women have not been admired as much. They have been asked to live in enforced passivity. They are coming out into activity just as men slip into passivity.
Ascenders (flying boys) ask their wives to do the loving for them. The soft male, the nice guy turns out to be a passive man. This is not what women expected from their relationship. There was a lot of positive projection going on, all kinds of positive traits were projected on ‘The Other’ that turned out to be unrealistic.
The air is related to the spirit in Jungian psychology. The ascenders are taking off too soon. You can see the way substance abuse might relate to getting high, and take off to the spiritual world instead of being involved in earthly matters. The earth is mostly seen as feminine, Eros.
It is said that men need to find/develop their eros with the use of their logos and vice versa.
The nice flying guy needs to descend and ground. The passive man may skip parenting because it involves feeling and loving. But also all kinds of boring tasks that he revolts against. If a passive man does not skip parenting he might transfer his anxiety, wound, depression that he does not act out, on his children. children will sacrifice unconsciously.
The naïve man is not confronting, when he gets attacked, he absorbs. He thinks he is special because he can feel the pain of women. He is gifted. But actually focusing on healing a woman will draw the attention from his wound so he can remain passive.
The naive man will lose what is most precious to him because of a lack of boundaries. Especially the new age man seeking “higher consciousness”. Thieves walk in and out of his house, carrying large bags, and he doesn’t seem to notice them.
He uses ecstasy to be separated from grounding or discipline.
The ascenders can show numbness. They can not express their feelings. Some women feel hurt by this. They conclude he is holding back. It is hard for him to say “I love you”. It might have to do with the protection from the father. There was none, so it feels unsafe to open his heart.
If the golden boy in our story of Iron John is the flyer, then Iron John is quite correct when he says: “You know a great deal about gold now, but nothing about poverty”. You know a lot about going up but nothing about going down.
Iron John will send the boy out into the world. The former prince will need to find a place to sleep, somewhere to work, and finds himself a job in the kitchen below a Castle. He literally descends the life he had. He needs to collect wood and carry water. He gets involved with the elements. That is what grounding is all about. Often suffering initiates the descend. The process of getting to know the Anima (the archetype of Life) helps the young man to open his heart bit by bit.
The reason why so many young men are flying boys in our new age is two-fold:
Early abandonment issues. Absent fathers that have no relationship to matter, unable to provide safety for the young boys to open their hearts. Anger, depression, and sadness caused by the father figure make the boy ascend. Toxic shame feeds his narcissistic behavior.
A lack of rites of passage. The passage into adulthood and the mature connection to the puer archetype is something that is missing in our culture. Many boys are possessed by the puer. A spiritual discipline that involves the body is helpful. Martial art is a good example of creating focus, discipline, determination, grounding and provides a feeling of autonomy and safety to open your heart to the world. Many forms of martial arts have a tradition that involves initiation into a certain grade. The color of the belt shows that you now are part of a group. Community is a necessary part of an initiation. As are teachers (mentors or ritual elders).
When we shine a light in therapy on the depression that made us ascend and we practice compassion towards ourselves we start to cure the toxic shame that triggered us to transcend the father. We have created a false self as a reaction to our trauma. When we express our anger, allow ourselves to grief, journal, and emote we start to connect to our true self again. Depression is often the cause for grandiosity and a lack of empathy.
Source: Iron John - Robert Bly
